Wednesday, 13 January 2016

A tradition I will miss this year

I wouldn't say I am recovered from my eating disorder in the slightest. Yes physically I am what is considered as 'healthy', but mentally I am still scarred. This time of year is my worst nightmare, as if it's not hard enough to escape from the world of juice detoxes and diets, January brings the whole charade of people becoming gym bunnies, eating their kale and weekly weigh ins. It's not just on social media it's shoved full force down our throats through other media platforms such as TV, advertisements and even soaps. I was even in a supermarket and couldn't escape the diet magazines or low this or low that products. 

I am sucked into a world whereby I think everyone has an eating disorder
Of course I hate it, I would be lying to you if I said I didn't. It affects me like it probably affects anyone with an eating disorder. I find myself getting teary eyed or angry at myself and others for talking about their weight loss or how many calories they burnt on a run. But why? At the moment I am sucked into a world whereby I think everyone has an eating disorder. By this I mean if someone Tweets that they aren't eating chocolate, I get angry. WHY aren't they eating chocolate, that is soooooo disordered!

We live in is full of fad diets
It's controversial, but this is reality. The society we live in is full of fad diets and crazes on how to achieve the perfect figure. Yeah, I hate it. I hate it how I will have to learn how to deal with this whilst still wanting to join in and be part of that club. The thing is myself and others in the eating disorder community need to understand that what the rest of society calls a diet and what we call a diet is completely different. 

New year, new me = diet craze
At the core of all of this is the media. Of course I don't agree the media should encourage diets as much as they do, but it's kind of accepted now. It's tradition after Christmas that the new year, new me = diet craze comes out. And I am fully aware that after this fire dies out, the summer body ready one will be lit. But arguing about how terrible it is to show diet adverts on TV, or to sell ridiculously low calorie meals in supermarkets is a loosing battle. 

There will always be the diet culture
I will always have to accept that there will always be the diet culture, it will never die. Someone will always be working out, dieting, drinking a veggie smoothie, and that's okay. Some people do need to loose weight for their health, and that's okay. They might be posting about their weight loss because they're proud, like someone would post about their exam results. Just think, someone who failed their exams might be upset to read about this. But, as harsh as it sounds, that's life, you have to just deal with it. It doesn't make the wound any easier to heal but once you recognise that you don't have control over everything only yourself, you can accept it. 

Please don't think of me as being hypocritical here. Those who know me know that I am still in a very tender stage of my eating disorder. After my stay in hospital in 2014 I still feel left with under answered questions and feelings of despair. Sure hospital made me gain the weight but it didn't make me gain any clarity. But one of my aims for writing my blog and especially about this subject, is to document my journey. Imagine how amazing it would be for me to look back in a couple of years and see how far I have come? Or to even reach out to others who are suffering and let them know they are not alone in their thoughts? 

What a wonderful thing that would be.

 Emily x


  1. I admire you for sharing your experience and how you're handling the daily diet fads while you're recovering from an eating disorder. I do agree with you that it is society's pressure, but there is more to an eating disorder beyond weight. The feelings of self-worth, acceptance, and self-love are feelings that will follow you the rest of your life and those are issues that society needs to address along with anyone who has an eating disorder. It is not an easy path, which is why I'll be thinking of you and hoping you get the support you need and realize how wonderful you are already!

    1. Thank you for your kind comment. I completely agree there is far more to an eating disorder than weight and food even. I am a healthy weight but a very unhealthy mind when it comes to the relationship with myself. I am hoping this is something I can work on in time. Take care of yourself x

  2. I haven't ever considered the crazy January diets from this perspective before. It must be a really hard time of the year. I definitely see what you mean about thinking everyone has a disorder. So many people are cutting down on something or other that it's hard to get some perspective.

    Lisa /

    1. It really is, it can be very triggering for anyone suffering with an eating disorder. I am glad it shone some perspective for you x

  3. Wow what an open and honest piece. I cant imagine how tough it must be but be proud of yourself youv done so well already!xx

  4. This is the exact reason why I started my blog, and 3 years later I really do look back as someone who is recovered so I know that it's possible. Everything you've written about are hurdles you have to overcome but I think the key thing is acceptance. Acknowledge and accept the things you can't change (like the diet industry) and only then, you can move past it xxx

    Sam // Samantha Betteridge

    1. Wow, I admire you very much. I know how hard eating disorders can be. I believe it is possible too, but somedays it feels impossible. But it's about remembering reality. Sadly, we can't change the diet industry and I think it will always be a massive part of Western culture, but what we can change is our minds and our attitudes towards it. Take care x


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