Friday, 22 January 2016

Depression isn't a real illness

I wonder what it's like to think depression isn't an illness. To feel confused when they hear of someone not being able to work due to being depressed. It must be pretty glorious to simply think it can all be fixed with a little bit of exercise or a good nights sleep. I wish I could say I felt depressed one day but wake up happy the next. I would give anything to have one off day, but still be okay to get up and get dressed. 
Instead I am either left in great distress, reduced to floods of tears consumed with thoughts I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, or completely numb and lifeless, lacking the energy to even get a drink. 
There comes a time when you begin to stop trying to explain to people that the medication won't heal the wound that has been gaping open for so long. The wound has become infected and sore, and it hurts to cleanse and medicate it. 
My heart is broken each time somebody comments on my weight gain and how much better I look. Agreed, I am nowhere near as physically poorly as I was in 2014 during my hospital stay. But the mind hasn't healed, I am still left with so many unanswered questions and the pain is still very real. 
For those who tell me to be grateful for being alive, for having a roof over my head and a loving family - I apologise but I can't. Indeed I am lucky in those aspects but my mind can't accept these factors quite so easily. Mental illness isn't physical and lyes internally, gnawing away at your brain until there is nothing left. It's waking up and wishing you hadn't, sleeping 20+ hours a day then never sleeping at all, the lights being to bright and a whisper being too loud, and it's seeing the darkness when you once saw the light. 
The next time you think depression isn't a real illness, please talk to me. Because I can promise you it is very real.  
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6 comments

  1. I know how you feel, im in the same boat, im currently on pills for it and they make me emotionless but i still feel depressed, its weird!

    emyii90.blogspot.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. I am sorry to hear this, please take care of yourself. x

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  2. If you ever want to talk about anything or if you ever just want to let it all out, I'm always here.

    Beka. xo | littleworldofbeka

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  3. I'm really sorry to hear this. I feel really sorry for narrow minded people who don't understand or pay any attention to mental health, and think because it's invisible it's not there. I know depression is a serious illness, I wish more people would wake up and realise that. Everyone deserves to get the help they need, and deserves supportive people around them. I hate when people don't believe that I suffer with mental health, and don't take it seriously, or don't even think it's real. It's so upsetting x
    Becky Shannon xx - Life-by-Becky

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  4. I wish I had something to say that made you feel better. I'm dealing with depression and anxiety and my pet hate is someone saying "oh you'll be okay"

    Keep your head up. Thanks for such an honest post

    http://sasssytoni.blogspot.co.uk/

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  5. I completely agree with everything you said in this post - I hate all the stigma that comes with MH.. it makes us want to keep it all bottled inside, which isn't good for anyone! And most of all it makes us doubt ourselves! I really hope you can overcome this funk you're in, I know it's difficult, but its completely possible to feel better again! :) I wish you the best xx

    Jemma | jemmas-simple-life.com

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