Tuesday, 5 January 2016

The first page of an unwritten story


A diagnosis of mental illness can be terrifying. I was once afraid that I would be judged if I shared my own diagnosis. I didn't want to tell people because of fear of judgement and the stigmas that are attached to each illness. It's hard when you feel there are so many expectations that come along with your illness. I have spent years struggling with various mental health problems which has led me to become socially excluded and clinically depressed. Some days I find it easy to talk about my continuous struggle, and others I don't.

It's hard when you feel there are so many expectations that come along with your illness.
It's okay if you don't want to share your diagnosis, nobody is going to hold you at gun point and force you. But the point is that you shouldn't be afraid to speak out or to share your experiences. As I write this I am still fearful that I will either be mocked or be considered as a 'freak' for even starting a blog, constant thoughts consume my mind of how people will scoff at the thought of: "who on earth would be interested in what plain old Emily Jayne has to say". I will be honest I am quiet, shy and reserved. I am the person you don't really notice when she walks into a room, or the girl at college who wouldn't put her hand up to answer a question in fear of looking a fool.

I can't lie to you and admit that I am accepting of my diagnosis, but I am trying to become more open about them. I hold the hope that if I become more open and aware of myself, then the people around me will do too. As for being judged, then I assume that will happen. I could be judged on my hair colour, my height or my political beliefs, so my mental health issues won't be any different.

All I can say is - mental health is a lonely, lonely place.



It's a hard cross to bear 
But you know what? The people who judge you because you have a mental illness aren't worth having in my life or anyone else's. It's a hard cross to bear to accept that some people in life will never understand or have empathy for those of us so tortured by mental health. However all we can do is use different platforms in the hope that one day we will have a world a little bit more understanding of the realities of mental health in general and the services. It would be stupid to say that we haven't moved on leaps and bounds since the days of social exclusion and basically torturous 'treatment' methods. As a society we seem to value the treatment of physical illness over mental, and to me that is just wrong. It is just as crucial and fundamental that we treat mental health in the same way.

The internet makes me feel less lonely 
This is my blog and as I like to think of it my own open diary. I have needed to feel purpose for a very long time as well as having a useful place to share my experiences whether they be good or bad.

This is going to be my journey through 2016 (and who knows beyond?) and how I continue to cope with depression on a daily basis. I promise not to sugar coat anything and to be brutally honest about everything. I believe that honesty really is the best policy. However I don't want this blog to be doom and gloom, I want to share my passion for writing, photography, crafts. These are all areas I want to work super hard on in the next year!

So here I am, my name is Emily, I am 20 years old, a Gemini, cat mother x2. I hope you stick around.
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9 comments

  1. It's so brave of you to be able to write all this, well done you!

    I actually just started a blog after struggling with some things, so I'll definitely be keeping up with your journey too. You're right it 100% makes you feel less alone.

    P.s Your blog looks beautiful :)

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    1. Thank you for your very sweet comment. Please feel free to share your blog I would love to have a read. Take care x

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  2. Wow!! This was a very touchy and inspiring post. I hope that you don't have to feel like can share your feelings/thoughts with us just because some people are jerks. You obviously have a kind soul, and it should be shared with the world. I can't wait to read more of your journey here on this blog. Here's to ya!!!

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  3. I can relate to your story on a lot of different aspects, I'm also shy and reserved, but mostly in formal situations. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for god know's how long and I understand the lonelines you talk about. It's good that you share your story on your blog, it will release a lot of that weight that is on your shoulders. Take care of yourself <3 Jolien Xxxx

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    1. I am so sorry you struggle, I know how incredibly hard it is to fight a battle with yourself, day after day. I am hoping it does release some weight and also by sharing my experiences with depression I can hopefully help others x

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  4. what a great post hunni! The best thing about having your own blog is that you can write about things that you might not speak about in public! The best thing i ever did was start my blog as i have written many posts about my mental health issues and most recently about the fact that i will be starting meds very soon which scares me alot tbh! I have got lots of support from many lovely people on twitter and i am always here for you if you ever need to talk! I have noticed that i have never been judged by anyone online,everyone is lovely but in reality,i have not actually told anyone,even my family and my BF xx

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    1. Thank you Hollie! I really appreciate your sweet comments. Good for you for starting your medication. Starting meds is never an easy decision, but I promise you it's for the best. Although they aren't miracle workers they do help you a bit. It's all about finding the right medication that works for you. I am glad you have the support of the online community. I haven't been here long but noticed how supportive it is! It's lovely. But I am so sorry you haven't been able to tell anyone. I hope one day you can, it's nothing to be ashamed of and they might be really supportive! Take care lovely x

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  5. It is so brave of you to put it all out in the open, but also something that we need to start doing more so that the world becomes a more understanding, accepting place when it comes to mental illness. I'd like to think that soon, gone will be the days when children use 'I'm gonna slit my wrists' as a joke or 'ergh this is so depressing' without realising what they are saying. I look forward to your posts and wish you all the best of luck on your journey.

    Just remember: it gets better. xxx

    Jodie @ Jodetopia x

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